So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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