Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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