Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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