1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize