okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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