I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There are leaves in my underwear?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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