I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
