Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
