oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
