there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
