A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize