So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
