So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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