Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
