eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
