rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
