Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
