Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
