I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
