i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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