I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
