Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
