why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
