No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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