Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
