So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
