what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
