you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
