god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
