I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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