i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
