There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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