That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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