just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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