and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
