Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
