if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
