I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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