I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
