Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize