i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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