Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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