he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
