your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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