It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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