Me too!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
