i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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