ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize