the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
