upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
