So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
