Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He passed out mid-signature
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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