I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
