and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
