Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
