11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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