We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
