alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
