She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
