Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
