if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
