He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
