I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize