Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
