hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Randomize
