his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
