im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
