whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Semen is not good for contacts.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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