Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
