I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
