just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
