i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
