I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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