In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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