come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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