I can't watch pbs sober anymore
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
