is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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