i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize