you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
