id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
