Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
