Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
