we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
