I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
