Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
