at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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