I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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