Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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