yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize