Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
