How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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