even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i can't believe i had my finger in that
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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