He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
