hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
