instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
