Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
