My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
