Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
