Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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