I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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