Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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